For instance: Yesterday I was taking a walk and I saw a squirrel climb a tree for about the five gazillionth time. You know, the squirrel thing was pretty awesome for a few years but right now I'm thinking, there's nothing left for a squirrel to do. I got so mad, I ran across the street and started shaking the tree with all my might trying to make a flying squirrel. I've never seen a flying squirrel. Or a squirrel fly.
Well nothing happened because the tree was too big around for me to shake it enough to even perturb the stupid squirrel. I decided to give up and get a sandwich or something.
So I was walking toward the sandwich shop I go to (they know how to keep the fucking MAYONNAISE off of my shit!) when I heard the noise. It was a small noise but I knew what it meant. I turned around and that same squirrel was climbing DOWN the tree! UgH!!! Do you know how many times I've seen squirrels climb down a tree? TOO FUCKING MANY! I ran at the squirrel and it got scared and started climbing UP! I felt the horrible suction that accompanies a negative-feedback loop and, so, not knowing how I could possibly break myself out of the cycle, I charged the tree and jumped, grabbed the lowest branch, and swung myself up into the tree after the fucking squirrel! HA! It didn't see this coming at all! THe mother fucker leapt out of the tree, its paws wiggling in the air in a feeble attempt at flight, and landed on the soft grass with a slight thud sound. I suddenly remembered how fucking scared of falling I am and clung to the tree with my hands, afraid that the branch I was standing on woudl break or, worse, simply disintegrate because some aliens wanted it for analysis.
I don't know how long this went on. I thought maybe I'd better think about a backup plan to get down in case the firemen didn't come to rescue me this time (they told me they were through getting me out of trees last time). I looked down and saw I wasn't too high up. And then I saw that same FUCKING SQUIRREL CLIMBING UP THE TREE TOWARDS ME! I screamed and leapt up to grab another branch and I heard a horrible splintering sound and the branch I was tring to climb up onto cracked and I fell into the tree, scraped my arm up, and fell the rest of the way down to the ground.
I heard another crack and my ankle started hurting a lot and I fell to the ground. As I lay there staring up into the sky, the squirrel came CLIMBING DOWN THE FUCKING TREE! I was tired and cranky now, but mostly I just didn't care so when it came over to me, sniffing around like I was some sort of acorn, I just let it do whatever it wanted. It crawled onto me and ran back and forth on the length of my prone and still body and I started thinking about how I'd never seen a squirrel running on me before and how this was probably a pretty good time after all.
Eventually it got bored and went back up the tree (YOU TRAITOR!) and I got to my feet and limped home. I made a check mark next to the "see a squirrel run on me" box on my "life goals" list and then immediately wrote down "eat a squirrel" at the bottom of the list right below "trick a porcupine." Not a bad day all told!
Although my ankle's looking like I should probably amputate my foot now.