It's fucking cold and snowy and shit and that means that I don't leave my god damned house. Especially not after what happened at the library last month. Boy was that ever a fucking scene.
Well I'm hard at work on something yet again, but this time, I thought, perhaps maybe I could keep it a secret until it is done and then reveal it for all to see! But then I thought that maybe it would be better to tease everyone who reads this, all fucking 2 of you, and so that's what I'm doing. TEASE.
Some of you who have read for a while may remember that in between monster polls and telepathic spiders and shit, there was a girl in my life named Arata. And that at some point she was gone and I don't remember what happened, right? Well I found her number the other day in a pile of clothes that I hadn't worn for months and so I called her up to see what the hell was going on!
When she heard my voice she was all "no way" and stuff and I could tell she was mad at me. Apparently... last year when i got that job at the movie theatre, I told her that I was going to go look for a job and then never came back! That strikes me as not like something I would do so I asked her if she was sure and then she just LAUGHED and said that she was sure and asked me if I'd been taking any of my meds. I told her that ninjas don't take meds and I heard her, like, spit out her coffee and laugh even harder. She told me that she'd missed me and her therapist thought she'd made me up and could I maybe come by her therapists office sometime to prove my existence?
Readers: I am not a fucking idiot. This is a plot. This is a fucking plan to get me cornered and capture me and do something horrible. I have many enemies like you wouldn't believe and they have many ways. For this girl to be so completely abandoned by me and then just chuckle and ask me to come by her therapist's office? BULLSHIT. IN ADDITION: she asked me about my meds and that clearly points to MIND CONTROL. I immediately played it cool. If she suspected I knew what she was up to, there would be repurcussions, horrible horrible repurcussions. I told her that I didn't think that would be appropriate and if she wanted to see me again she could go fuck herself. She sighed and said that she had missed all of this so much. then she started in on the sex talk and, let me tell you, it was all I could do to keep from masturbating. I knew that if I masturbated while hearing her talk about how much she needed me and my penis, it would be all over, because that would allow the mindbots into the frequency that I fucking operate on.
Now I'm in a terrible pickle because after I shouted GO TO HELL (I still had to act natural) and slammed the phone down onto its cradle, I knew that there was a possibliity that I'd stayed on the phone too long and the fucking nefarious shit out there might have access to my mind control wavelenghts or something and that if I ever have an orgasm and spew my seed again, they could potentially worm in (knowing the proper frequencies as they might).
I've had my mind controlled again and again and I don't even know who the hell Arata is working for but one thing is clear. i can never have sex in anyway again. I can never masturbate or fuck or even have a wet dream else the alarms will ring in their secret base and out come the probers and they could potentially make me do something awful like donate money to some bullshit charity or walk around with my pants off on accident instead of on purpose this time.
I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. To make matters worse, the three sexy bitches downstairs are always in the hall and they're as casual as all get-out! Sometimes they get the mail in little more than their fucking underwear!
Thank god it's so cold. I've been sitting with my window open and my crotch pushed out into the coldness. That ought to help things!