Normally I am not susceptible to these glamour girl looks. I think they are idiots and vain and self-centered and stupid for looking like this (no one looks GOOD if they don't want to!) and these girls, well, I think I was at a weak moment because I was having some sort-of coughing problem lately wherein I would cough a lot of gunk up at random times and so I was feeling somewhat down on myself like I was some piece of fucking shit to be coughing up all this shit and it must be from deep within, right? Shit, I don't know, I just know that I'm going up stairs and there's this fucking chick and she's standing at the landing one floor below me and just FUCKING STANDING there with this box in her hands and chatting with these two other girls and shit. Well as I approached the one standing there opened her mouth like she's about to say "hi" and then just looks away for a second and then looks back to see if I'm still there.
Well I WAS still there because the cunt opened her mouth to say something and then closed it so I'd stopped to do the customary bullshit thing about Hi Hi You live here now, huh? Yes I do and you live here too? Yes I do. In fact I live right above you so if you hear some shit it's just me. Yes I thought that might be you just by looking at you. Oh and are these your roommates? These are my roommates let me introduce you to them and yes, we realize that we are some sort of masculine fantasy out of some porno thing but don't get excited because the idea of having sex with your stained and obviously unwashed body is quite sickening to us besides we have all had sex with one another previously at some point and guess what, we didn't like it and it strained our friendship so much that we are barely even friends NOW. Oh I had no idea. Yes you did and now you're thinking that maybe what we need is some sort-of lynchpin to be the axis to the wheel of sexuality surrounding us and that ho ho hey hey that lynchpin just might be you, well, buddy, we've done THAT as well and a.) you're not as attractive as our former lynchpin b.) we didn't really like that (though it was a lot better as we had something else to focus on besides our own sexual insecurities with each other when it was over (namely washing up)) and c.) we're all turned off by dudes who cry after they've ejaculated and judging by the looks of things, that's you all over.
So when she saw me standing there still and looking at her and around her at her roommates she said "Hey," to me. It was a sort-of polite audible version of that smile you give a casual aquaintance that you don't really want to talk to but I didn't pick that up until later because I said "oh hey, how's it going" in return and in RETROSPECT I can see that her eyes went a little dumb and maybe rolled a bit and the points of her mouth went down into a frown but at the time I didn't see ANY OF THIS. "Not bad," she said, "moving in you know" Right yeah I know what a dumb thing to say.
I went back to my room, I know that much, and then just started jumping up and down REALLY HARD. Jumping and jumping over and over again like a fucking nut. I wanted to make even more noise so I began climbing up onto my one bookcase so I could jump from the top and make a really fucking loud THUMP. Then the fucking thing tipped over and fell onto me, spilling heavy book after heavy book (DAMN YOU TOLSTOY) onto my head and areas. I began to scream and yell like a god damned wildcat pounding the floor with my hand out of a.) a need for someone to come pull this fucking bookcase off of me and b.) excruciating pain. Well the next thing I know there's a fucking knock knock at my door and judging by how dainty and polite it was, I could tell it was one of the LADIES. I shouted "OW! COME IN HURRY!" and so the door opened (thank God I didn't fucking lock it right?) and in came the girl at the stairs.
At this point the memory is a little fuzzy.
I remember her staring at my place like stepping onto the Starship Enterprise or something and then she began to back out and say she was sorry but I was screaming "HELP ME I'M TRAPPED UNDER A BOOKCASE" or "HELP ME QUICKLY BEFORE I FUCKING DIE" or "YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME BECAUSE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS" or maybe even "LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME" I was so fucking _something_. I'm not sure what the feeling was but I know I wanted to crawl further under the bookcase. And here she is just staring STARING AND STARING at the things all over my wall. I'd been doing all this designing and researching for my erotic story and drawing pictures of various scenes and hanging them up and she's just looking at them...
Finally this nutjob comes over and lifts the bookcase just enough that I can scramble out from under it and then lets it down with a THUD. Well she didn't make the THUD, it came down with it a thud. Whatever. Fuck you. I'm lying there on the floor in GREAT FUCKING pain. She's staring at my drawings and finally this wonder of human evolution says "are you, like, an artist?"
Listen: I am not mad that the first words out of her mouth were not "are you, like, okay" I AM however upset that my DRAWINGS were so impactful to this model of modern standards of beauty that the first thing she thought was not about my well being but about them. Even AFTER she'd freed me from my bookshelf, she was still staring at these various scenes of groteseque penetrations and reverberations.
"No, not by trade" I said.
THEN she says "Are you okay?" and I said "yeah I'll be fine" and she says "I'm Annie" and I told her my name and she tells me that she's got to go and I say fine and GUESS WHAT? FIVE HOURS LATER I NOTICED THAT ONE OF MY DRAWINGS WAS MISSING! I do not keep a tidy place by any stretch of the imagination, but I have an inventory of everything there and ONE OF MY DRAWINGS WAS MISSING. The LADY has pilfered a drawing of mine and it was the one I liked to masturbate to the most! What the fuck is that????
My head still hurts and I just went for a jog around my apartment so I'm tired and hot but I'm so mad I don't know what else to do. I invite you into my home and you steal a drawing of the Tablick Cavity????? I haven't been this mad since I ate all that bread!